I was standing on the edge of a backyard party, doing my best to avoid a very large fish on an even larger grill, talking to
Jane about not going to parties. About how there's nothing wrong with staying at home, when you're up to something. Then she asked what I'm useualy up to. It threw me. I think I stared at my shoes and maybe said "shew". I know I thought of all the things I used to do and tried to remember them like they were closer. Like I still did them. ...It wasn't working.
These days I mostly go to work. It's far away. I often stay there for a long time. When I leave, I can't remember where
we parked. Getting there was forever ago. When I get home I try to make the most of the little bit of time I have with the
girl I love. Mostly we watch movies and try to stay awake till we start it all over again.
Right now she sits at my feet waiting for me to finish writing.
Right now I wonder where I was the last time I couldn't sleep. ...I wish I had time to stare at the ceiling and wonder why I was so awake.
I wish I could get out of bed because there isn't anything better to do.